Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'm Not Sorry

I've never really considered myself a vindictive person. Sure I've had ugly thoughts about certain people in my life, but that's all they ever were, thoughts. I'm way too much of a coward to ever do anyone physical harm and I've long since quit wishing harm. When something you've thought long and hard about almost comes true, you quit wishing harm on others. Karma's a bitch and she might come back to bite you in the ass.

However, yesterday I was overcome with such raw emotions for a person in my past, I wasn't sure how to contain myself. This was a man extremely close to my sister and he was truly evil incarnate.

For many years, this man was physically and emotionally abusive to my baby sister, but it took even longer for her to realize she was better off without him. If you have never had someone in your life who has dealt with "battered woman syndrome," then thank your lucky stars. It is not a pretty thing to deal with.

Two years before my sister died, this man was in a near-fatal car crash. For days, I did the unthinkable - I wished he would go ahead and die and leave my sister in peace. But God must have had other plans. My sister cared for and nursed this man back to health and it is a miracle he survived. His family should be eternally grateful that my sister gave them back their son.

Six months before my sister died, she finally had the courage to leave this abusive scum for good. Her life was not easy, but at least she was getting it back together. It also helped that HE was spending some time in prison.

After my sister died, and after HE got out of prison, HE started showing up unexpectedly at my house. The first time was maybe 6 or 7 months after the funeral and just the sight of him on my front porch sent me into a tail-spin it took days to recover from.

Anytime I would see this man in town, my heart would start pounding and a full-blown anxiety attack would grip my soul. How dare this man be free to roam the streets, while my sister was dead!

Fast forward to 2010. The 5th anniversary of my sister's death has just passed and how ironic that the man who caused her so much pain decided to take his own life during the same week. May God forgive me, but I hope this man rots in hell. I feel very sorry for his poor mother, who was the one that walked in and found him. She was a good woman and tried to help her son, but he was beyond anyone's help.

And even though I'm glad the living earth is rid of this scum, I'm also angry that he took the coward's way out and squandered the life my sister worked so hard to restore.

1 comment:

Cynthia L. H. said...

I'm so sorry for all of the painful memories stirred up. I understand completely.