Comfortably Numb

Comfortably Numb

Depression is an illness millions of people suffer through for weeks, months, even years. It may be simple post-partum blues, or depression because of grief, or sometimes it’s the bottom of the barrel and you can’t see you way out. It makes you feel lonely and afraid.

“Hello?
Is there anyone in there?
Just nod is you can hear me.”

What if you can’t nod from exhaustion? You try at first to take care of your depression as you retreat farther and farther from your family, your friends, the world.

The family tries to persuade you to go see a doctor, but you resist. You’ve had these feelings before and you’ve always – always – pulled out of it by yourself.

But this time things are getting worse and the next thing you realize all you want to do is pull out in front of a tractor trailer and end it all. This is when you know you’re in deep shit. As soon as you drive the last mile to work, you make an emergency call to the nearest psych center.

“I’ll need some information first.
Just the basic fact,
Can you show me where it hurts?”

I want to scream – IT HURTS EVERYWHERE!! I need help before something bad happens to me or my family. So off I go to the fix-me-up place.

“Okay
Just a little pin prick
… you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?”

Group therapy, individual therapy, no notebooks with wires – my favorite kind – how the hell will I be able to write? The first few days I’m a zombie with no thoughts of my own.

“I have become comfortably numb.”

This is not solving my problem, I want to be a normal wife again, a mother, a daughter, a grandmother, a writer – but never a nurse ever again - never ever.

“When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.”

I am no long a child and I have a dream. The pain is not over and it will always be there back in the shadows of your mind. I will sometimes have dark days looming, but now they are coming in longer waves. I close my eyes, pulling on willpower to move forward.

“I no
longer want
to be
comfortably
numb”

**Song lyrics by Pink Floyd**

Trust the Inside Not the Outside

TRUST THE INSIDE NOT THE OUTSIDE



Beauty lies in the ignorant
because that is all they have to fall back on.

Don't judge a book by its cover
because you'' miss some of the best literature ever written.

Just because you were not rich growing up,
doesn't mean you are rich in intelligence.

Glasses, pimples, greasy hair with a loud mouth,
gays or geeks or nerds doesn't give others the right to bully.

Sugarcult - Christine

CHRISTINE
by Sugarcult

what's wrong?
i feel so alone again.
the look in your eyes sometimes...
pretending that it's all right.
make up and move on,
our ways never change
and i can get anyone that i want -
you'll see christine.
and i would do anything if you could believe in me,
but girl-you play those tricks
and make a fool out of me.
that's the way it goes here.
i can't stand loving you anymore.
i try my best, but i'm back for more.
my heart beat stops every time you leave me.
hanging on lately...
last night,
she came back into my life.
to play with my head this time.
she's hanging me out for dead
i take it and move on,
our ways will never change
and i can get anyone that i want -
you'll see christine.
and i would do anything if you could believe in me.
but girl, you play those tricks
and make a fool out of me.
that's the way it goes here.
i can't stand loving you anymore.
i try my best, but i'm back for more.
my heart beat stops every time you leave me.
hanging on lately...
take her away, take her away, take her away from this place.
take her away, take her away, take her away from this place.
what's wrong?
i feel so alone again.
i flunked out a thousand times,
it's making me realize,
that i'm back and better for us.
our ways will never change
and i can get anyone that i want -
you'll see christine.
and i would do anything if you could believe in me.
but girl, you play those tricks
and make a fool out of me.
you'll see, christine.

Old Memories

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OLD MEMORIES

Ancient in years, but still holding onto

the special charm making it beautiful.

Windows need replacing and probably casings, too,

but the bricks and stone continue to hold

the mortar used to make this antique house

stand on firm ground.

And although most people do not like the green moss

making its home on the stone steps and up to the porch.

Number one, green is my favorite color, and two, the

moss is furry and soft

makes a natural pillow to give a decent night's sleep.

I've no idea who owns this home, but I can take it on

faith that no one lives here,

unless it is someone like me.

Shrouded Heart

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SHROUDED HEART

Darkness hangs like a shroud;
sooner or later, we will be together again -
our love is all we need.