Surviving Grief

(Photo copyright All Poetry.com)

SURVIVING GRIEF


We have mourned and wept for those who have passed on.
Our tears have dried, but our hearts are scarred eternally;
life is contained and our memories serve to freshen the wound.
We are therefore vulnerable to shock that has turned to regret.

Of all the grieved we will soon be drawn,
some to faint rays of light which appear on the horizon,
and others disappearing into the darkness.
We have known what it is to live in the darkness,
what it is to find a moment of light,
only to be plunged into darkness again,
For one who seems to be a friend, has separated
the present reality to a fake reality,
and salvation has been denied.

To live, to exist, is to expose oneself to uncertainty.
Changes are all around us
and we can never be sure when new perils will arrive.
But jeopardy does not respect time
and we must be prepared for the next encounter.

Bubble of Isolation

(Photo from The Strycher)

BUBBLE OF ISOLATION

When a soul is being ripped apart,
feelings and emotions come oozing through the cracks and are
reflected in loved one's eyes.
Staining, tainting, begging for release,
lost in a swirling world of misery.
Locked in a bubble of isolation, growing with each passing day,
suffocating depression, clawing a deeper hold,
stifling, swallowing the last ounce of happiness.
Make it stop, push the magic button to make things alright.
The disconnected brain and the parallel heart,
each traveling the same road;
only - what's the problem, what went wrong?
Desolation fills the empty soul and baths the aura in bleakness and torment,
never giving up, never giving in.
Intelligent enough to know better
but unable to stop the pain devouring all hope.

Free Flowing Friday

Sorry I've been so absent this week, but I've been under the weather and haven't felt like writing. Of course, with a few extra minutes on my hands, my Free Flowing Friday thoughts have been on the poor family of Michael Jackson.

I truly enjoyed MJ's music when I was a kid - what child growing up in the 60s and 70s didn't? I also realize it was his decision to put himself into the public eye and he garnered fame and fortune by being a celebrity superstar.

But in his family's moment of grief, why can't the media leave him alone? When my sister died 4 years ago, my grief was almost unbearable. If I had been subjected to her presence on every news channel in the world every time I turned on the TV, I would have gone insane.

And now the media is pulling those poor children into this mess! Give me a break! These little kids only know MJ as their father - nothing more. Who cares if they were conceived with a sperm donor? Who cares if the mother gave up her rights? These children didn't ask for this. And to continual roll the footage of his little daughter in her greatest moment of grief - it is despicable. The news channels keep rolling this footage over and over and over.

As for MJ being a child molester, I know the court of public opinion thinks he is guilty, but he was proven innocent in a court of law. I have my own thoughts about his guilt or innocence, but it doesn't matter what I think - a jury of his peers found him innocent. Period.

Now we are being subjected to all his possible medical problems and drug addictions. I personally feel someone's medical history should remain private. As a RN, I know the value of the privacy laws - I just wish everyone would quit speculating on what was wrong with him. We know there are corrupt doctors all over the country who cater to the rich and famous - we've already been through this with Anna Nicole Smith and Heath Ledger, just to name the recent ones.

My point in all of this is to be empathetic to the family and let them grieve in peace. Not matter if your rich or poor, black or white, or male or female - everyone should be allowed to grieve the loss of a loved one without it being fodder to grab ratings.

**Free Flowing Friday is a regular post I do on Rightmyer Rants every Friday. It is normally a collection of my thoughts throughout the week.**

One-Minute Writer - 5 Years

Today's One-Minute Writing Prompt: Five years

Reflect on how your life has changed since March 5, 2004.

Oh, no - fair warning, this is not going to be pretty!

Five years ago I was a happy, energetic married mother of 3 beautiful daughters, and although I am still happily married with 3 beautiful daughters, I am no longer happy or energetic.

After my baby sister died in January 2005, my life went downhill fast, into a swirling, liquid, non-stop flight into depression and grief. I eventually quit my job as a RN because I was so unhappy with my work (my sister had been in nursing school and we had plans of her joining me at the hospital I worked for). Although I don't regret leaving my job for a single minute, I have isolated myself away from the world. I have a part time job that takes me away from home for 4 hours a day, but other than that, I rarely go anywhere else.

I used to love working in my gardens, but the past 4 years, my gardens have been a miss because I haven't had the energy or desire to take care of them. My home is also not as clean as it once was - for the same reasons.

My wonderful hubby accepts me for who I am and loves me unconditionally, but I know he is worried about me. The same goes for my 3 daughters.

This past January I made a promise to myself to try harder, and little by little I'm noticing a few changes in myself. I now go for a daily walk, even if it's only 10 minutes. I have joined a writing group in my community, so I'm away from home at least one night a month and I interact with other people. I joined the Board of Directors for my local Habitat for Humanity, so this is another night each month I'm away from home.

The biggest changes I've noticed is the increase in my writing - not only on my blogs but in everything else I do. I'm writing stories and columns and book reviews - I'm even working on 3 separate books I've been trying to write for the past 5 years.

Things are looking up, but I'm still a long way from where I was 5 years ago.

Baby steps, baby steps ...

.

One-Minute Writer - Walls

Today's One-Minute Writing Prompt: Walls

What walls do you want to knock down?

I want to break down the walls I've built up since the death of my baby sister. It has been over 4 years now, but I am still hiding behind these strongly enforced walls.

Fear of the world - I have cushioned myself into a tiny bubble of existence and now I can't find my way out.

(Artwork by The Ocentric)

Dark and Moody

Dark and Moody

My head is dark and moody
Why can't I shake these thoughts
I've tried to put them all to bed
But my brain keeps delving deeper

I know this is the time of year
When wishes do come true
But what would I be wishing for
If I had the will

I've tried to turn my thoughts around
But nothing seems to work
The dark and scary monsters
Are lurking ever near

I'm tryin to be the upbeat one
Because of family and friends
But all I want to do
Is hide inside my head

To think about the happy times
To think about the love
To think of the memories flooding in
To think of times gone by

So why can't I shake these thoughts
I really know I should
But brooding, ugly, scary thoughts
Have won the upper hand

(Artwork by Inobscuro)