Clowns .... they haunt my nightmares

I had a friend send me this in an email picture and it just about sums up many of my days ...

In Which, Bobbi is Afraid of Clowns

Today's Pictures, Poetry & Prose prompt:
(Photo by Jim Pankey "WildSpirit" from Picasa and Fotothing)

I HATE clowns, so I don't know how long I will be able to leave this photo on this post! Suggested prompt..Include a clown in your writng today.

I have suffered from coulrophobia - fear of clowns - most of my life. I have a problem with these creepy, white-faced, red lipped mutants who pretend to be cheerful, but are actually the devil incarnate. As an adult, you would think this phobia would lessen, after all, I am a grown up - aren't I? But noooooooo, my fear of clowns increases with each exposure until I'm sure one day I'm going to be so frozen with fear that a clown will be the end of me.

I have been known to run down Main Street if a clown approaches me, leaving my children to fend for themselves. I have been known to climb over my children when a clown would approach me in Rupp Arena during the Ringling Brothers’ Circus (this has happened twice!). I have been known to run screaming out of a local Wal-Mart from just the sight of a Ronald McDonald statue. Okay, I never claimed to be a rational person.

People who know of my fear have asked me, "Were you scared by a clown when you were a child?" But my answer is always, "No." I don't have any vivid memories of a specific time in my childhood when a clown scared me. I have vivid memories of clown "attacks", but one doesn't stand out any more than any other.

Recently I may have found out where this strange phobia originated into my nightmares. I am addicted to the old television soap opera from 60s, Dark Shadows. I can remember running home from the bus every afternoon to catch each episode. I thought Barnabas Collins was the most wonderful thing since sliced bread. I wanted to be a vampire just like him! This television show was the beginning of my obsessions with all things vampiric, but that's for another story or blog.

During an early episode of Dark Shadows, David Collins is in a Fun House and there are clown faces in the funky, fun house mirrors. Watching that episode, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. My heart rate was racing, I broke out in a cold sweat, and my hands were shaking so bad, it took me three attempts to hit the STOP button on the remote.

When my hubby ran into the living room to see what was upsetting me, I had to leave the room while he watched the icky clowns on the television screen. Later that night, I told him I thought that might have been the moment in my childhood everyone is always trying to get me to remember. Not a physical encounter with an alien clown, but a dream sequence on a television show. Like I said, I never claimed to be rational.

Of course, clowns in movies occur on a frequently increasing basis. I guess the first on my list would have to be Tim Curry’s portrayal of Pennywise the clown in Stephen King’s 1990 movie, IT. Tim Curry has been a favorite actor of mine since The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but playing Pennywise leads him down a much creepier pathway. Other scary “clowns” include Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman, the evil clown doll in Poltergeist, and even Kevin Smith, my husband’s favorite writer/director, has Vulgar the Clown as mascot for his View Askew Productions.

There are also scary clowns on television and it is these intrusions into my life that I sometimes don’t have any control over. You never know when a clown will show up on a commercial while watching a television program. A new commercial from E-Trade depicts a baby using the internet and he has a clown standing behind him (he apparently earned enough money on E-Trade, he was able to buy a clown). The funniest line of the commercial is when the baby says, “I underestimated the creepiness factor.” In Living Color’s Homey D. Clown was just plain mean and evil; “Homey don’t play that.” Krusty the clown from the Simpson’s is a crude caricature of a demonic clown and I love the quote from Bart Simpson, “… can’t sleep, clown will eat me.” You also have repeats of Bozo the clown, not to mention, Ronald McDonald; what kind of an icon has a white painted face with big red mouth and nose?

The television is also a place to find other people who are scared of clowns. One of my current favorite programs is Bones on the FOX network. David Boreanez – also from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel fame – plays FBI Special Agent Booth, and he is afraid of clowns. One episode from season two had Booth pulling out his gun and shooting the clown-shaped speaker on top of an ice cream truck. He spent several episodes in therapy over this incident, but I was secretly cheering his decision to kill a clown.

There are movies that I won’t ever watch, based purely on the titles. For example: A Thousand Clowns (1965), Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1987), Shakes the Clown (1992), Dead Clown (2003), Fear of Clowns (2004), and Fear of Clowns 2 (2007). There are many others, but need I say more?

On a scarier note, John Wayne Gacy used to dress up like a clown for neighborhood birthday parties, typically for children age 8 to 12. He is the serial killer who murdered more than 30 young men and hid them in the floorboards of his house. Makes you wonder exactly what goes on during “Clown College?” Just one more reason to stay away from clowns.

I’m going to leave you with two clown quotes. The first one is courtesy of Saturday Night Live:

“To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kinda scary. I’ve wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.”
--Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

The second quote is from Rob Zombie’s House of a 1000 Corpses:

“When escaping someone named Dr. Satan, never accept a ride from an evil clown who says, ‘I’ll take you to a doctor.’”
--Captain Spaulding

So, if you invite me to a party, don't invite any clowns or other creatures dressed in funny costumes or wearing full face paint. Of course, I probably wouldn't attend the party any way, what with my agoraphobia and all. What ... I didn't tell you about my fear of public places ...

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Fictional Friday - A Recurring Dream

Fictional Friday Challenge for November 7, 2008:

Write about a recurring dream.

Why is Every Night a Nightmare?

Why is it the same dream keeps echoing through the tattered regions of my brain? Why is it so hard to let go of the past? Why do my daily trials and errors always show themselves in the dark?

Most of my recurring dreams pertain to past mistakes in my life: failed marriage, failed jobs, failed success ... failed anything. Just when I think I'm leaving the past behind, my brain rears its ugly head and assaults my dreaming subconscious.

Why, why, why???

In today's modern world with accelerating technology and the mantra to be bigger and better than everyone else, what has happened to the little things in life? No more days of lazying in the dappled sunlight of a shade tree - instead it's cell phones, text messaging, and what the hell is a blackberry? The only blackberries I know about are the ones growing in my backyard!

This hurry up mentality ends up the fuel for my every growing nightmares. Screw up at work and a giant evil clown shows up to try and stab me to bits. Forget a vitally important meeting and the darkness gangs up on me and sends me running down one eerie tunnel after another. Have cross words with my sweetheart and I'm bombarded with teeth-gnashing cougars all trying to steal my man.

It's amazing how the subconscious brain interrupts the conscious brain, turning mundane daily acts into head-rearing, mind-blowing expletives of never ending falls off a cliff, knife stabs in the dark and teeth falling out all over the place.

"All I want to do is have some fun, and I've got the feeling I'm not the only one"... Thank goodness for the clock radio! Saved from another clown attack, but just knowing it's a nightmare doesn't mute the fact that my heart is already racing too fast for the beginning of the day.

(Artwork courtsey of Janus Head.)

Cafe Writing - 7 Things That Scare Me

Cafe Writing
Halloween Project (October/November 2008):

Option Five: Seven Things

Where there is no imagination there is no horror.
~ Arthur Conan Doyle

In improvisation, one of our exercises is a game called “Seven Things,” in which we go around in a circle giving each other the challenge, “Give me seven things that [whatever].” We are not going to go around in a circle here, but if you’re drawn to lists, this prompt is for you. So, give me either seven things that scare you OR seven of your favorite horror films. You are not required to provide any explanations, but it’s more interesting for readers if you do.
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1.) Clowns - To me, all clowns are scary - all that white face paint and red, gaping mouths - ick!!!! I think my phobia of clowns began in my childhood when I used to watch the old soap opera, Dark Shadows (Dark Shadows is still one of the programs I love to watch; I own all the DVDs). There was one episode where the young character of David had a nightmare where he was trapped in a fun house. A large, scary clown was one of the images that kept popping up, and my parents said I had nightmares for weeks. I've been scared of them ever since. To read a blog post on my fear of clowns, go here.

2.) Someone sneaking up behind me - I'm sure I'm not the only one with this fear. I don't know when it started, but for as long as I can remember, I have hated for people to sneak up behind me. When I was younger, my younger brother and sister used to chase me up the basement steps and it always terrified me, even though I knew it was them!

3.) Severe thunderstorms - Again, I'm sure other people have a fear of storms. There is just something about loud thunder and bright lightening that makes my heart race and that fight/flight instinct takes over.



4.) Drunk drivers - Need I say more? I hate to eat out in restaurants anymore because it infuriates me to see people at the table next to me, or at the bar, drinking several drinks with their meal, and then leaving the restaurant and getting behind the wheel. I have three daughters, the youngest just turned 16 and is starting to drive - I don't want my children to meet these irresponsible people on the road.

5.) Religious zealots and extremists - I was raised in a Southern Baptist church, but for the past ten years, I have been exploring other religions. I feel religion is spiritually good for everyone, but the zealots and extremists just scare me. When you are killing someone in the name of your god, how does that make you a good person. I believe in an almighty creator - be it God, Buddha, Muhammad, the Goddess, Ali - but I will never believe that our creator approves of the murder and violence that goes on in our world today.

6.) The year 2012 - Although I don't think I am a superstitious person, the Mayan calendar is supposed to end in the year 1012. According to The End of the World website:

"The Mayan calendar comes to an end on Sunday, December 23, 2012. Only a few people will survive the catastrophe that ensues."

Although the logical part of my brain doesn't believe that, another part of my brain says the Mayans were highly advanced, so it may come true. I guess we'll all see in 4 years!

7.) Losing my hubby, my girls or my parents - I know I can't constantly worry about losing a loved one, so I've put my worry in God's hands and trust him to watch over my family. But the greatest fear of my life is to die before my parents (who have already lost one child), my hubby or my children. If God must take someone, please let it be me and not them.